How to effectively annoy your co-workers

Come into work sick

Show the boss how dedicated you are by infecting the rest of his/her staff. Tissues and hand sanitizer? Don’t bother. People like it when you cough and sneeze in their general direction. If you do make the mistake of covering your mouth with your hand, be sure to not wash it before shaking someone else’s or touching their personal items.

Take naps

Don’t worry about everyone else who is hard at work, barely making ends meat. Take a couple naps a day, after all, you’ve earned it.

Ignore rules

You’re a busy person. You don’t have time to wash your hands. How else are you going to fit those naps, coughing fits and horrible smelling snack breaks into your day?

Practice for your Rock Band tournament

Just because you don’t have a guitar or drum set in front of you doesn’t mean you can’t bust a few beats. I’m sure most of your co-workers would love your pen and pencil rendition of Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody.”

Well I’m not sure this one even needs a description.

Ask Them to Donate Money to Your "Cause"

Co-workers asking for money and then making you feel bad when you don’t give any are the worst. I once had a co-worker who constantly asked me for money for her “missionary” trips to Haiti. Maybe I would have donated but she didn’t even know my name, nor did she ever bother to speak to me. Stop passing me the money envelope!!

Who needs a cup?

If your office has a water fountain, make sure you get really close so you can get all of the good water. That mineral taste is totally natural.

Clip your nails at your desk

It’s annoying enough if you’re clipping your finger nails. The sound alone drives co-workers crazy. But what about those stray ones that fly off as you clip them? If you aim just right, you might be able to hit your co-worker’s coffee mug. And why stop at finger nails? Toe nails need love, too.

Eat stinky food

Sauerkraut, sausage and Chinese food are only a few of the foods not suitable for office eating. Make sure you alternate between the three on a weekly basis.

Pick at your teeth

Instead of going to the bathroom to privately remove the sauerkraut from your teeth, remain seated at your desk and pick away with a toothpick. It helps if you’re not in a cubicle so other co-workers, delivery people and customers can see you digging away.

Breakfast snacks: Corn on the cob

Some people might not believe that corn on the cob is a breakfast snack, but you disagree. It’s perfectly normal for someone to break out a cob at 9:22 a.m. Not only is it normal, it’s worth celebrating. Let everyone in the office know you’re eating it by slurping and sucking the butter off of every kernel before biting into it.