Best Places for Celebrity Spotting in Los Angeles

I get the feeling that 40% of the diners here come solely to gawk at celebrities. I come because my buddy is one of the 40% but also has a generous expense account that allows him to fulfill his more prurient interests. Saw this couple the first time I went a while back.

When you got a drink named the “Star Fucker” on your martini list, all semblance of subtlety is hereby revoked. Which is a good thing, because celebs hate subtlety.

Because my lady is in the beauty industry, it behooves her to stay current in the latest fashions. Hence, trips to Kitson. It was to my great surprise that we saw Heidi Montag here a few weeks back. I didn’t really know who she was but through the throng of adherents and paparazzi, I did hear one insistent voice screaming over and over again, “You’re a bitch, Heidi, you’re a bitch! You’re a bitch, Heidi, you fucking cunt!” Later watching TMZ, they reported that Lauren Conrad was shopping in the area at the same time. Coincidence??

This place is definitely on the downslope of its popularity as the general attractiveness of the slutty girls dancing on the bar (always an accurate measure of hipness) has dropped precipitously. However, I have to include this joint because I got to shoot pool with Jean Claude Van Damme and Tone Loc upstairs! After getting his ass kicked (in pool) he proceeded to try and regain his composure by asking everyone within earshot, “Would you like to see my kick?” And without waiting for an affirmative, he began to spin on one foot and kick the air repeatedly while gyrating in a circle. It was at about the 540 degree mark that he kicked some poor cocktail waitress passing by in the neck and was shamefully escorted out of the club with his drunken lady friend in tow. Which makes this pretty much the greatest game of pool ever played in history.

This is a huge celeb hang out, where they go to seem normal and where skinny celebs like the Olsen twins, Kirsten Dunst and Nicole Richie go to try and fool us into thinking they eat baked goods.

When I was still fresh of the plane from the midwest, I took a trip to Fred Segal and saw TOM HANKS (and wife Rita Wilson). They were trying to return something. I actually haven’t managed to reach quite the same star level since then, which is kind of disappointing. But every time I set foot in Fred Segal, someone is there.