Seattle's Rain Ain't So Bad

Things we wouldn't have without the rainy weather

1. Cool mushrooms
2. Slugs and snails
3. An excuse to drive like old women
4. Puddles
5. Ferns
6. An excuse not to bathe our dogs as frequently
7. Low water bills
8. Relatively clean sidewalks
9. An excuse to hang out in coffee shops all damn day
10. Free, 24-hour car washes, courtesy of Mother Nature
11. Snobbery regarding those weaklings that use an umbrella
12. Great excuse to stop smoking, since you can’t do it inside.

Synonymous

cat-and-dog weather, cloudburst, condensation, deluge, drencher, drizzle, fall, flood, flurry, hail, heavy dew, liquid sunshine, mist, monsoon, pour, pouring, precip, raindrops, rainfall, rainstorm, sheets, shower, showers, sleet, spate, spit, sprinkle, sprinkling, stream, torrent, volley, wet stuff, window washer, come down in buckets, deposit, drizzle, fall, hail, mist, patter, storm, hyetal, pluvial, pluvious, rainy, torrential, cataract, misle, mist, mizzle, monsoon, precipitate, precipitation, shower, cloudburst, deluge, downpour, drizzle, flood, precipitate, storm, thunderstorm

A word about tanning beds

There is something incongruous about seeing a Seattlite (or more often, someone from Renton or Lynnwood) with a deep, even tan. C’mon, ladies, this isn’t fucking Brazil. You’re not lounging naked on the beach all day, so why fake-n-bake? It looks really, really weird, like seeing a clown at a funeral (seeing a clown at a clown’s funeral would be slightly less unsettling). The orangey-brown skin with brightly bleached blonde hair looks good only Playboy bunnies, and even then, very few Playboy bunnies.

Do you know what you are doing to your skin? You may think you look exotic or well-traveled or thinner, but do you have any idea the kind of damage that you are doing to your dermis? No? Remember Magda from Something About Mary? That’s you in 20 years.

Also, your Juicy Couture velor sweatpants were incredibly ugly back when they were “in style”. They no longer are “in style”. Please lose them.

Does This Hold True?

I remember growing up vehemently opposed to umbrellas in Oregon. After all, only a tourist would use an umbrella. Losers.

Can’t remember if that was the case in Washington too… is it?

Yes, Seattlites do shun the umbrella

I think most Northwesterners like to shrug off the rain like it ain’t no thing. Part of that is because it’s rarely raining cats and dogs, just sort of drizzling and misting (that’s a new verb). I tend to prefer a rain slicker, since it’s too hard to handle my coffee, dog leashes, dog-poop bags, AND and umbrella. Something has to go, and it ain’t going to be the coffee!