America's Most Boring Roadside Attractions

The World's Biggest Rubber Band Ball - The Pride Suprette, San Francisco

Evidently, there’s some debate over who holds the great rubber band ball title, but make no mistake: the cantankerous and antisocial proprietor of the Pride Suprette rubber band ball exhibit will be sure to make your roadside experience unforgettable. Though he’s been known to refuse viewing time to eager patrons, choosing to hide his prized 3,000-lb. ball of joy under a canopy of towels, it’s worth a shot if you’re in the neighborhood. Worst comes to worst, you can always satisfy your craving for a true bourgeois American experience by purchasing a used Barbie from the guy sitting on a blanket outside. (photo: James Blackmore)

Bosco, The Petrified Canine Mayor - Sunol, CA

The taxidermists of Sunol couldn’t pass up this opportunity to immortalize the first political figure without possession of meta-cognition since King Ivan VI. Although Bosco, the agreeable canine mayor (he was elected to the honorary title in 1981) passed away in 1994, his body stands proudly (and stiffly), serving as a conduit for beer at the town’s favorite pub. Mmm, does anyone else taste formaldehyde in their Michelob?

World's largest horseshoe crab - Blanchester, Ohio

I guess it loosely makes sense that the members of a Creationist Church might choose a creature that hasn’t evolved since the Jurassic age to be their mascot. Though originally commissioned for a nautical museum in Baltimore that has since gone belly-up, this orange fiberglass monstrosity has found a comfortable home in Blanchester, where it rests beside the building of worship, (which is, no doubt, of much smaller proportions). In a twist of fate, the presiding pastor inherited the beast after hosting a speech at a Kentucky Genesis Creation Museum. And to think, all he was expecting was a Danish and a Styrofoam cup of Hawaiian Punch! Photo Credit

The Museum Of Funeral Customs - Springfield, IL

Holy Lincoln Logs – Springfield just got a little more boring. Once you’ve recovered from the painful monotony of your 4th grade field trip to see where baby Abe learned how to crawl, feel free to continue the masochism by attending the Museum Of Funeral Customs. Completely devoid of guts and cool ghost stories, the sober museum is meant to “demystify” the misunderstood funeral industry. Joy! Photo Credit

World's Largest Cross - Effingham, IL

Finally! My big chance to see a 198 foot cross. Photo Credit

"C'mon, kids! Hop in the car!"

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Adolf Hitler's Toilet - Florence, NJ

C’mon – Who hasn’t had one of those days that was supposed to be dedicated to household chores, but was instead lost to a 6-hour Hitler marathon on the History Channel ? Alas, the perfect road trip to quench your secret thirst for megalomaniacal restroom artifacts. Photo Credit

World's Largest Ball Of Twine - Cawker City, KS

Yep. That’s 7,000,000 feet of twine for ya.

Mitchell Corn Palace - Mitchell, South Dakota

Make sure not to watch King Corn until AFTER you visit the Mitchell Corn Palace, so you can purely revel in the glory of the golden crop without feeling like you’re contributing to the ruin of our nation’s sustainable agriculture!

World's Oldest Traffic Light - Ashville, OH

It’s been going strong since 1932, and personally, I’ll take their word for it. Perhaps the legendary stoplight at Main and Long Streets lives on simply because no one cares enough to physically visit and debunk the story? Photo Credit

Bedrock City - Custer, South Dakota

More fun with fiberglass! Nothing beats a play car with no wheels that’s bolted to the concrete. Photo Credit

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Home Of Albino Squirrels - Olney, IL

Even the police officers have albino squirrel logos on their squad cars. Now that’s quite a distinctive coat of arms!

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World's Largest Ball Of Stamps, Boystown, NE

If a 600 lb. ball of over four million canceled stamps isn’t testimony to living in a boring state, I don’t know what is! Photo Credit

The Infamous Two-Story Outhouse - Gays, IL

In England they have urinals
In Paris bidets
But nowhere on earth
Has an outhouse like Gays

I think the good fortune of “Gays” rhyming with “bidets,” outweighs the awkwardness of this town name. What luck! Photo Credit

The Dighton Rock Museum - Berkley, MA

By the looks of it, there are probably five whole rocks in there too.

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Oldest church pulpit in the country

I’m a bit fan of Delaware because I route for the underdog in most situations. Remember that part of Wayne’s World? You know what I’m talking about. Delaware needs a girl like me to remind everyone that it is one rad place. I mean, it IS home to the oldest church pulpit in the country. I made a friend drive to it with me.

Lucy the Elephant

My dad’s relatives thought it would be fun to drag him and my mom to Lucy the Elephant. I was confused. Apparently, Lucy the Elephant is " six-story elephant-shaped architectural folly constructed of wood and tin sheeting in 1882 by James V. Lafferty in Margate City, New Jersey, two miles south of Atlantic City, in an effort to sell real estate and attract tourism."
OK, then. You can tour the inside of Lucy and there are even hotel rooms within the structure. Awesome. Or something.