The Five Greatest Moments in OLD GUY History

#5 Jack Palance Does One-Handed Push-up at Academy Awards

To top off a film career spanning over forty years, bad-ass actor and overall tough guy, Jack Palance gives what might be the best Oscars acceptance speech when he won best supporting actor for his role in City Slickers in 1994.

After making the astute observation that he takes dumps bigger than Billy Crystal, Palance gets down on the ground and delivers four one-handed push-ups for the roaring audience.

Awesome!!

Watch the entire speech here

#4 Abraham Impregnates Wife at Age 100

Long before they had Viagra, Abraham (the biblical one, not the presidential one) passed on his seed to his wife Sarah who gave birth to their son Isaac. 

At the time, old Abe was 100 years old!!  WTF???

Certainly, a big win for old guys everywhere.

#3 George Foreman KOs Michael Moore to Win Heavyweight Title

In 1994, Big George Foreman knocked out 28 year-old Michael Moore  to become oldest heavyweight champion ever, at age 45.

A heavy underdog, Foreman’s title challenge against Moorer took place at the MGM Grand in Vegas with Foreman wearing the same red trunks he had worn in his title loss to Muhamed Ali 20 years earlier in the “rumble in the jungle”.

Amazingly, Foreman KO’d Moore with a single punch in the 10th round, instantly becoming a folk hero to millions around the world and a demi-god to old guys everywhere.  HBO’s Jim Lampley said afterward, while still on air, “if you missed this fight you’re going to regret it for the rest of your life.”

#2 Bob Barker Kicks Adam Sandler's Ass in Happy Gilmore

Silver Haired Septuagenarian , Bob Barker takes it to Adam Sandler in Happy Gilmore.

This has to be one of the top ten greatest fight scenes ever.  I can watch this over and over and still laugh every time.

Watch the whole fight in all it’s awesomeness here

#1 Nolan Ryan Beats the Snot Out of Robin Ventura

On Aug. 4, 1993  Robin Ventura made a very bad decision that lives on in the memories of all who witnessed it.  After being plunked by a Nolan Ryan fastball, the 26-year-old hothead rushed the mound, only to have a guy old enough to be his father (Ryan was 46 at the time and month away from retirement) stuff him under his armpit in a headlock and throw monstrous uppercut after uppercut to the young whippersnapper’s face, as Ventura squirmed like a little sissy-boy.

While Ventura and White Sox manager Gene Lamont were ejected, Ryan, who had barely broke a sweat in the fracas was allowed to remain in the game and pitched hitless ball the rest of the way. 

One word:  BAAAADASSSSS!!!!!!!

This is easily the greatest baseball fight of all time and single greatest feat in the history of Old Guys.

Oldest Person to Climb Everest

A Nepalese man, named Bahadur Sherchanhas became the oldest person to climb  the world’s highest mountain in 2008 at the age of 77.

Some Other Notable Old Guys...

These crotchety old guys don’t make the top five but still deserve a mention.

Clint Eastwood

Clint Eastwood has won five Academy Awards, two of which are for best director. Aged 74 in 2005, he was the oldest director to achieve this distinction for Million Dollar Baby.  (He also kicked some serious gangsta ass four years later in the film Gran Turino).

Nelson Mandela

After a long imprisonment and famous release in 1994, Nelson Mandela became the first democratically elected President of South Africa, aged 76

Oldest Person to Win a Medal In the Olympics

Oscar Swahn is the oldest person to win a medal in the Olympics, having won silver in the 100 meter team running deer shooting event in Antwerp at the age of 72.

Places you can see old-ass people

Intrigued by old people?  Here are some good places where you’ll be likely to find some friendy silver haired, velcroed shoed, old folks in Chicago.

More Recommended Guides about Old People (and one about SPORN)

How Cute is Your Grandma

How Cute is Your Grandpa

SPORN.  When Sports Meets Porn