!!!!DON'T HAVE KIDS!!!!!

THEY'RE EXPENSIVE, AND LET'S FACE IT WE'RE IN A RECESSION

BEDTIME WILL BECOME HELL TIME

Tips from Supernanny:

When you drop them off at school and a tantrum ensues:
Be matter-of-fact when leaving your child at daycare Give him a hug and tell him his childcare provider will take good care of him while you’re at work. Then smile and say, “I’ll see you this afternoon,” as you walk confidently out the door.

You'll have uncomfortable moments:

1. The Sex talk
2. The time you catch them making out with a boyfriend
3. When they ask you about where babies come from
4. When they ask “what’s that???” while in the bathroom stall with you
5. The whole “puberty” thing
6. When you notice they’re climbing the pole at the playground a little too often.
7. The first time you catch your boy looking at porn
8. The first time they walk in on you and mommy/daddy having “private time”

More Guides for parents with Crazy Kids:

Tips from Supernanny:

HOW TO HANDLE BATH TIME:

• Make bathtime fun with toys and games. Amazon.com has a range of water-proof books available, and bubble baths are exciting for children of all ages. 
• If your child finds bathtime a struggle, talk through the process; “now we’re going to wash your hair”, and remember to praise them often; “you’re so brave”.
• Let your child pour the water or shampoo herself – give her as much control over bathtime as she can handle.
• Make bathtime a family affair – hop in the bath yourself or bathe siblings together – toys and bubbles are more fun with a friend! 

Downfalls of Being a Mother:

1. Stretch Marks
2. Saggy Boobs
3. Bigger Feet
4. Crusty Nips
5. Getting a pancake booty
6. Less Sleep
7. NO SICK DAYS
8. Matted Hair
9. Grey Hair
10. No bathroom time alone
11. You have to share your food/beverages
12. Kids will scavenge through your purse
13. Less sex, “no Mommy/Daddy time”
14. No adult interaction for DAYS
15. TV programming is strictly, Disney, Nickelodeon, Cartoon Network, etc.
16. Your car will smell of juice boxes, Cheerios, and spit up.
17. Parent Teacher conferences.
18. You have to spell anything taboo while speaking to adults.
19. You’ll get thrown up on..
20. ….you’ll also get peed on. End of story.

YOU'LL HAVE TO WIPE POOPIE BUTTS.

And I don’t care what anyone says, just cause it’s your kid doesn’t make it any less horrible.

Tips from Supernanny:

WHEN THEY START BITING:

• Teach them it’s wrong When your child bites, use simple but firm words. Try, “that’s biting, that’s wrong” or a firm “no”. If you’re in a group, remove them from the situation. Explain that it hurts others and why you don’t like them doing it.
• Teach them to express themselves-try to help your child find a less painful way to express their feelings. This works well with children who are biting to try to show their affection.