Who would win in a fight: Wolverine vs. ...?

Wolverine vs. Hugh Jackman's biceps

Under ordinary circumstances, Hugh’s biceps aren’t too shabby, but after some training…? It’s like there’s a bunch of tiny Chuck Norris action-packed adventure figures in there hi-yahing their way out.

Winner: Hugh Jackman’s biceps

Wolverine vs. World Peace

How do you fight World Peace?

Winner: World Peace.

Wolverine vs. Christian Bale

Bale and Hugh outwitted each other in The Prestige, but there’s no hocus pocus in this fight. This fight would really depend on which character Bale channels for the fight – Batman, American Psycho dude, The Machinist guy…Batman would easily beat Wolverine; he has too many cool trinkets (Where’s your Batmobile wolf?!)

Winner: It’s a tie. Bale & Wolverine are far too bad ass.

Wolverine vs. Susan Lucci

Winner: Susan Lucci. Come on, everyone knows that soap opera stars never really die. Even if Wolverine managed to kill her, her brain would live on and she’d come back in a man’s body.

Wolverine vs. Chuck Norris

Please…Wolverine’s got nothing on Chuck Norris. There is no ‘ctrl’ button on Chuck Norris’s computer. Chuck Norris is always in control. Norris can slam a revolving door! He can sneeze with his eyes open. He eats only ONE Pringle!

If Hugh Jackman’s bicep has tiny Chuck Norris action figures inside of it, they’d revolt and attack Wolverine.

Winner: Hands down, Chuck Norris. Basically Wolverine never existed.

Wolverine vs. Mike Ditka

Who would win in a fight between Mike Ditka and a hurricane?

A. Mike Ditka
B. The hurricane
C. Depends…is the hurricane named Ditka

Who would win in a fight, Mike Ditka or Wolverine? Wait, Wolverine’s blades would turn into tiny Mike Ditkas. This fight just got interesting!

Winner: Wait for it…wait for it…Ditka ::please insert a clip of Chris Farley dancing here::

Wolverine vs. Silk Spectre

I’m not sure who would come out victorious, but it would be pretty hot to watch.

Wolverine vs. Hugh Jackman's pectoral muscles

I wonder if he could crush a walnut between those things. I bet he could easily hold a bottle of beer. RIght…back to the fight. I think the pecs would put up a pretty fierce fight; he could probably hold a weapon between them.

Winner: Wolverine. His blades could easily crush any shield HJ’s pecs hold up.

Wolverine vs. Rick Astley

Wolverine got RickRolled! Of course he probably slice and diced Rick for making that song.

Winner: Nobody wins with a RickRoll.

Wolverine vs. Meltdown Britney

Wolverine would be thrown off by the alien-esque shape of Brit-Brit’s bald head just long enough for her to smack him with the umbrella. Once dazed, she’d make him watch Crossroads. Wolverine, obviously suffering, is doomed. To finish him off she’d go through her entire set list WITHOUT lip syncing!

Winner: Britney. Anyone in a 2-mile radius of the fight would be collateral damage.

Wolverine vs. The Printed Blog

There aren’t many things on this great Earth that beat the awesomeness of The Printed Blog. I’m not bias at all. Seriously.

You’d think that Wolverine would shred the papers, but he’d be so drawn in by the Guidespot syndication that he’d have no choice but to be captivated.

Winner: TPB, with the help of Guidespot.

Wolverine vs. LOLcats

You’d think that Wolverine would just scoop up the kitties and eat them, wouldn’t you? Well mutants have hearts you know! The LOLcats, on the other hand, don’t. They’d lure him in under a false sense of security with their impossible-not-to-love eyes and then confuse him with their words.

Winner: LOLcats. They’d unleash the evil.

Wolverine vs. Barney Stinson

Before the fight can start, Barney would require Wolverine to suit up. This puts Wolverine at an obvious disadvantage. The suit would probably be too tight, making him uncomfortable. That or it would rip off of him and he’d be fighting in the buff. Needless to say, this fight would be Legen…wait for it…

dary!

Winner: Anybody lucky enough to see this fight.