.jpg "Staying Positive in New York City")
.jpg "ZEN: Your path to enlightenment in New York City")
.jpg "Anything Can be Used as a Weapon")
.jpg "Unemployed, or What You Do With All This Free Time")
.jpg "Chelsea")
.jpg "How to Throw a Trailer Trash Party")
.jpg "Sexy in SWEATPANTS.....?")
.jpg "Salsaaa Salsaaaa!! Spice it up in New York City")
.jpg "Todd MacDonald State Farm Insurance")
.jpg "Dave Scott State Farm Insurance")
.jpg "~Bringing You The Best Cupcakes Worldwide~")
.jpg "Lifestyles Home Decor")
.jpg "Awkward Family Portraits will make you say \"WTF?\"")
.jpg "Love is funny: Awesomely BAD engagement photos")
.jpg "The Super Sexy 70's Ads")
.jpg "The Best iPhone Apps For Women")
SPONSORED LISTINGS
Human Hibernation in New York
- by chelsea
- -
- November 30, 2008
(2)
.jpg)
It's that time of year when the idea of getting up and out of bed while it's snowing and below zero outside is the last thing on your mind. The vision of cuddly little bears all warm in their bear dens floats through my head and I spend hours in bed wishing I could just, stay there....forever. Or at least until I was hungry enough to get out of bed and make a microwaved dinner. So, if I were to do some "make shift" hibernation, what would I do??? How could I do it??? When you're a freelancer it isn't hard to experiment...here's what I've found.
You'll need REMOTES
I’m even going to say that you should narrow it down to A remote. One singular, remote control that is a universal remote. Reaching for more than one or laying down and having to get back up to find another remote may take your heart rate back up to a normal speed, which cancels out the hibernation….
Sony Wonder Technology Lab
550 Madison Ave, New York, NY 10022
When the word WONDER is in the title, you know it’s gotta be good. Imagine all the wonderous UNIVERSAL technology they could figure out for you.
When the word WONDER is in the title, you know it’s gotta be good. Imagine all the wonderous UNIVERSAL technology they could figure out for you.
Succumb to the BULGE
During the holiday season we’re doing everything we can to fight, fight, fight the bulge….we spend extra hours working out, we skip the rolls on Thanksgiving, we ask for the cocoa without the whipped cream- when really, we should just give in. GIVE IN TO THE CHUB.
When you’re hibernating you’ll need all the chub you can get….especially since you’re going to be inactive, which means you may stop going to work, which means you may not be able to pay your heating bill, and THUS you’ll be super cold in your appt before you get evicted. So, you’ll want to keep warm.
If "fat" is in the title, that's a good sign.
Fat Witch Bakery
75 9th Ave, New York, NY 10011
Speaking of FAT, if you’re going to put on weight you may as well do it DELICIOUSLY. Every time I walk through Chelsea Market, I salivate when I smell the amazing brownies from Fat Witch Bakery….binge on something GOOD.
Speaking of FAT, if you’re going to put on weight you may as well do it DELICIOUSLY. Every time I walk through Chelsea Market, I salivate when I smell the amazing brownies from Fat Witch Bakery….binge on something GOOD.
Fat Sal's Pizza
217 W 14th St Frnt 1, New York, NY 10011
An entire pizza, is what you’ll need to eat if you’re really looking to add on the weight and quickly. Best thing about Fat Sal’s, don’t even BOTHER getting out of bed. With your cell phone in hand, and if you’re smart enough to prop the door open or leave it unlocked, the delivery boy can bring it right to you….you may have to pay extra to get him to actually FEED you. Be prepared to tip.
An entire pizza, is what you’ll need to eat if you’re really looking to add on the weight and quickly. Best thing about Fat Sal’s, don’t even BOTHER getting out of bed. With your cell phone in hand, and if you’re smart enough to prop the door open or leave it unlocked, the delivery boy can bring it right to you….you may have to pay extra to get him to actually FEED you. Be prepared to tip.
Faded Rose Nyc
220 E 60th St Frnt 4, New York, NY 10022
If you’re going to look like a filthy animal, that doesn’t mean that your furniture has to look disgusting too. It can look girly and chic to offset the day old bowl of Spaghetti-O’s that are molding on your table.
If you’re going to look like a filthy animal, that doesn’t mean that your furniture has to look disgusting too. It can look girly and chic to offset the day old bowl of Spaghetti-O’s that are molding on your table.
ORDER IN:
If you didn’t stock up on food in bulk, you’ll need a few things; a cell phone or a great hand held, preferably in your nightstand and a binder full of take out menus. With the convenience of the computer that’ll do also. The great thing about take out in New York is that you don’t have to stick to JUST pizza. If you’re craving Ethiopian o Indian, America or Thai, you can order ANY of that.
New York was MADE for hibernation. Dontcha think!?
Seamless Web
Order food online, make a few clicks and it’ll be at your doors in minutes!
Menu Pages
Find out which stores deliver near you.
To Go Monster
Pick the type of food you’re craving, they’ll pick it up for you.
Get a HIBERNATION partner
I’m going to go with lazy dogs on this one instead of significant others. They could really derail your hibernation process. They could decide they want to go out for the day, or have crazy aerobic sex and those both don’t coincide with hibernation. Buy a dog instead. Or a cat, as long as the cat isn’t b*tchy…that could lead to a potential fight, which could lead to you storming out of the house in a fit of rage, thus ending your hibernation.
The New York Dog Shop
46 W 73rd St, New York, NY 10023
If you get a lazy companion, you’re going to need to give them the proper accessories for laziness; doggie bed, cuddle toy, soft pillows, etc.
If you get a lazy companion, you’re going to need to give them the proper accessories for laziness; doggie bed, cuddle toy, soft pillows, etc.
Gracious Homes
1992 Broadway, New York, NY 10023
Stock up on silky, warm bed linens.
Stock up on silky, warm bed linens.
Suggested tip:
BUY AN EYE MASK to keep out the light.
Stock up on movies:
Having something to watch to keep your mind off of getting out and about, or “doing things” is key. Keeping long movies like Titanic or The English Patient at hand is imperative. You could go with the holiday theme movies, but that may inspire jolliness which may inspire motion, like making Christmas sweaters and cookies….which cancels out your inaction. Standard boring, long movies are best. Mr. Holland’s Opus, perfect.
TIP:
LONGER CHORDS, in case you feel like cleaning.
IT ALL STARTS WITH INACTIVITY
"Hibernation is a state of inactivity and metabolic depression in animals, characterized by lower body temperature, slower breathing, and lower metabolic rate. Hibernating animals conserve energy, especially during winter when food is short, tapping energy reserves, body temperature, at a slow rate. It is the animal’s slowed metabolic rate which leads to a reduction in body temperature and not the other way around.Hibernation may last several days or weeks depending on species, ambient temperature, and time of year. "
SO- All of you busy bodies out there are going to need to clear your calendar….events, dates, PLANS of any sort will take away from maximum hibernation capabilities. Doctor’s appointments….ok fine, you can visit the Dr. if you must but try to do that before you begin the hibernating process, or you’ll just have to start all over again.
Food shortage???
Stock up while you can. After all we are amidst an economic crisis, if that means you have to buy Top Ramen in bulk and eat it all so that it makes a warm “cocoon” if you will, of body fat around your necessary parts then, STOCK UP.
Costco
976 3rd Ave, Brooklyn, NY 11232
Buy in BULK. Then you’ll BE bulk, then you’ll fat, wrm and happy. You may even save a few extra dollars.
Buy in BULK. Then you’ll BE bulk, then you’ll fat, wrm and happy. You may even save a few extra dollars.
Who needs to get out of bed when they have THE CLAPPER???!
I’ve always wanted one of these and now that I’ve declared hibernation, I have the perfect excuse to get one. They always get you when you’re watching late night television and the light in the other room is glaring in your eyes and you’re too damn lazy to get out of bed and turn it off, then you have a whole night of uncomfortable sleep because it isn’t dark enough. You can’t be worried about turning off lights every time you want to take a midday nap.
Where to stock up on ESSENTIAL HIBERNATION needs
You'll need a good night stand
…you’ll also need to learn how to deal with living in a bit of filth for awhile. Part of hibernation means, getting a little grimy. The best part is that when you’re living in your own GRIM you usually can’t smell or tell the difference. Don’t expect many guests during this time period.
Cola's
148 8th Ave, New York, NY 10011
You know you’re smack in the middle of hibernation when you’re calling and ordering in lasagna, from a restaurant….on the same block as your apartment.
You know you’re smack in the middle of hibernation when you’re calling and ordering in lasagna, from a restaurant….on the same block as your apartment.
Kosher Delight
4600 13th Ave, Brooklyn, NY 11219
You can stick to your hibernation while also sticking to your beliefs, kosher delivery?? Why not. It’s NEW YORK!!
You can stick to your hibernation while also sticking to your beliefs, kosher delivery?? Why not. It’s NEW YORK!!
Soul Fixins
371 W 34th St, New York, NY 10001
There’s nothing more grimy than eating BBQ ribs in your bed after downing a pound of cornbread. This will aid to your griminess, laziness and belly fat.
There’s nothing more grimy than eating BBQ ribs in your bed after downing a pound of cornbread. This will aid to your griminess, laziness and belly fat.
Hibernation tip: WORK FROM HOME
Keep WARM with lot's of blankies!!
Blankets, lots and lots of them. Your room should resemble a cave as much as possible, dark (minus the cold) and cozy. If that means you sleep with five hot water bottles then so be it. Do it up. The more bundled you are the better you’ll be able to sleep.
- |
- |
- |
- |
- share this
.jpg "aliciak")
-
The clapper is bomb. My roommate had one and sometimes when she wasn’t home, I’d go in there and clap it on and off…a girl can dream!
Add Our Widget To Your Site
.jpg)
Discussions