The Best Los Angeles Chain Stores

This Target on La Cienega is, unfortunately, the closest Target to my alma mater (USC) and let me tell you, it is a far cry from the most glamorous Target around. There is literally a gate surrounding the entire parking lot, the inside is always disorganized and vaguely dirty and it is generally just not the experience I want in a Target.

The Target in the West Hollywood Gateway certainly couldn’t sound any more glamorous and it is truly the better of the Targets. It is worth the extra 10 or 15 minutes of traffic to get to the pretty people Target where things are clean and you might run into Jessica Alba.

Yes, Wal-Mart is evil and probably criminal…but it is also criminally cheap. I have to admit, I haven’t found a “good” Wal-Mart in Los Angeles and one probably doesn’t exist, but I can try to steer you away from the very worst one. But this is most definitely not it. If you can get past the fact that it is in the valley (if you figure out how to get past that fact, please let me know) you will never get past the fact that walking into this wasteland is like walking into another country. It’s filthy, children run screaming through the aisles unsupervised and you get the feeling that everything is kind of…sticky. I will never return to this Wal-Mart.

The Crenshaw Wal-Mart has its own problems (as you might imagine). It certainly isn’t clean and the customer services isn’t cheerful and efficient. But once I saw a guy here buying only a box of Magnum Condoms and Dr. DOolitte on DVD. That kind of people watching is priceless and well worth the drive. Plus, while you in town you can take in a movie at the Magic Johnson AMC, which is an experience unto itself.

I used to live a few blocks from this Ralphs and it was kind of a headache to go to. There is a small parking lot on the ground level but when it’s crowded you have to go up to the second level and even though the incline escalator (what is this called? A conveyor belt, I suppose) is a little but fun to ride with your cart, it’s mostly just obnoxious. I do like the checkers here who seem to mostly be young women of Eastern European descent. They were always friendly.

Want a real Hollywood Ralph’s experience? Check out the Rock ‘n Roll Ralph’s on Sunset. I know, it seems like a ridiculous idea that any Ralph’s would be Rock ‘n Roll…I mean, it’s just a grocery store, right? WRONG. Not only was this Ralph’s featured in “Go” (remember that movie?) but go there at basically any time of day and it will be obvious where it gets its nickname. For some reason there is always at least one guy, usually around 40, with black 80s hair wearing leather and eyeliner. It’s not always the same guy, this is just where those kinds of guys buy their groceries. I wish I could explain it, but you’ll just have to trust me. Or check it out yourself!

This one is in Westwood which is its first strike. Every time I go to Westwood (unless it’s to experience some art at the Hammer) I wish that I hadn’t. It’s a pain in the neck to park, there are obnoxious fUCLA students everywhere and everything seems so…sterile and anti-LA. This is not what I want from my Chili’s experience. I want suburban, families, plump waitresses and guys who really like (hot wings?). Nah, this is barely a Chili’s in my opinion.

My friend and I used to joke that any chain restaurant you could ever want could be found in Monrovia, just east of Pasadena. This is only a slight exaggeration. This known for nothing town has a Red Lobster, an Olive Garden, BJs, Denny’s and of course, Chili’s. The Chili’s in Monrovia is exactly what I want in a Chili’s. Painfully suburban, with its grease and cheese nicely steeped in unfulfilled dreams.

A fairly recent addition to the Hollywood & Highland complex, this Forever 21 seems like it should be awesome. After all, it is right in the heart of HOLLYWOOD and it has an entire room devoted to accessories! But, it’s really not that great. It’s small and I don’t know if it’s because of the tourist quotient or the location right next to a metro stop, but there seems to be an inordinate amount of security. I feel cramped and spied on when I’m there and that is not conducive to being in my consumption happy place.

I recently learned that the Old Town Pasadena Forever 21 is located in a building that used to be a Saks Fifth Avenue and it all started to make sense. It’s all white inside (like all Forever 21s) and covers a vast space with 2 sprawling levels. Things aren’t crowded together here and there are literally walls and walls of accessories including an entire discount accessory wall upstairs. The worker gals (and occasionally a guy) bustle around, but I never notice security staring me down here. Oh, and they have valet.