Ridiculous & Unnecessary Products & Inventions
Advertisements are based on convincing you that you are lacking something. Billboards and commercials are screaming "YOU NEED THIS!" and I believe that you can always sell anything to someone. This guide is for products that no one would likely need....ever.
Inflatable Toast
Yep it looks like toast without that pesky edibility. These are 6" tall and go for a mere $6.50 for a pair because the only thing more worthless than one slice of inflatable toast is 2.
Taco Propers
Listen folks, I love a good taco as much as the next guy, but this is America and I will be DAMNED if I’m going to have to prop them myself!!!
Handsets for cell phones
Do you love it when your cellular phone goes off while you’re making sweet love or how easy it is to drop on the rainy pavement, but you miss the inconvenience and lack of mobility associated with landlines? Here’s the product for you.
Cassette Tape Dispenser
This “TAPE” Dispenser isn’t that bad, in fact, it’s actually almost cool. It was invented by a design firm (j-me) which means that they could fall more into the “art” category and tape dispensers aren’t un-useful. I guess the question here is if anyone really needs to drop $25 for a bad pun that rivals Carrot Tops prop comedy
Day-Glo Camouflage
I don’t think that I’ll ever understand the concept behind this idea.
Two-da-loo Tandom Toilet
Yep…. look at it’s state of the art revolutionary design.
You know the point of this one, even if you don’t…well… know “THE POINT” of this one. You get the idea… I’m not explaining it.
Hair Guard for Noodle Eating
Sweet! Now I can finally eat these damn noodles without the fear of my hair falling into them.
Now my noodle eating experience is almost perfect….
Noodle Cooling Fan
…perfect. Now it is definitely perfect.
This is the guy who invents stuff like this
Umbrella Shoes
Who needs pants when you have this fabulous item?
Segway Personal Transporter
Reasons NOT to Use a Segway:
1. The name sounds like something out of “Star Trek”
2. It’s nigh impossible to look cool while using one
3. You’ll be subjected to disparaging comments such as, “Just how lazy do you have to be to use one those things?”
The Goatee Saver
No, this is not a prop from “Silence of the Lambs”, it’s actually a device that’s been invented to help shape and prevent you from shaving off your beloved and outdated facial hair. Just some more technology that arrived a bit too late.
I have 2 questions:
1)Where was this in the 90’s?
2)Does George Michael and his Ming the Merciless beard know about this yet?
Sci Fi Themed Condoms
I’m not saying that condoms are unnecessary but this is the type of inventive marketing that’s utilized to trick children into taking medicine or thinking that something unpleasant can be fun.
What are we saying with this product? Do they want to attract children to condoms because I think that any responsible message behind the product would be counteractive based on the demographic that would respond to this item? Furthermore, this product is probably obsolete anyway because anyone of legal age that’s going to buy them, most likely, isn’t going to need to use them.
I wonder what made them think that it would be a good marketing tactic to imply that it played Spandau Ballet songs
Zaky Infant Pillow
Why should you hold your child when you can get these plush hands to do it for you? Seriously, I’ve got Wild Turkey that I could be drinking instead of baby holdin’!
Solar Powered Flashlight
That’s right folks, there are solar panels on this flashlight. I’m sure there’s some explanation for this product but I don’t even want to hear it.
CLEAN-UP SLIPPERS
Believe me I understand the idea of convenience that prompted someone to create this cheesy footwear and, at a glance, it almost makes sense.
Really try and think about it though.
You can’t move around effortlessly in these things so you have to slip them on a per clean-up basis.
It’s not universal due to the variance of shoe sizes.
The most important problem with this thing?
There is no way that this is even more convenient to using a broom.
If you are missing your arms this is an amazing product but otherwise…. not too great.
Snuggie
A blanket with arms – so when you move the blanket doesn’t fall off.
Slanket
Another blanket with arms – apparently lots of people need these. Come on get one.
Great xmas gift for everyone on your list
The organization folks at Unclutterer put the spotlight on those “unitasker” products that are totally useless. The tiny toe towel. The mascara warmer. Onion goggles.
The Kobe Beef Nano Ipod Case
WTF???
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About The Author
Fremont
I run a site called
"Monster Fresh dot com"
I am a fan of Taqueria's, jazz, 80's films in the vein of "D.A.R.Y.L.." and "Cloak & Dagger", and boomboxes with removal speakers.
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