I'm So Hungry I Could Eat At Arby's - Elissa's Road Food Guide

What To Look For

Some of the best places you’ll find will be unlikely little dives with names like “Grandma’s Pit Stop” and signs outside that say “This House Guarded By Shotgun 3 Nights A Week – You Guess Which Nights,” etc.

Check For Signs

Keep an eye peeled for hand-made signs on the side of the road.

Be serendipitous, especially when the prospect of an entire castle made of cheese is introduced into your life.

Chinese Food In Middle America = Hamburger Helper + Soy Sauce

When stuck in a remote desert town that only has a Subway, a Dairy Queen, and some dinky Chinese place, you might be tempted to favor the latter. Bored with the petroleum-like flavor of American cheese, and guilt-ridden by your recent support of chain restaurants, this urge is not without reason. The last time I made such a choice in Battle Creek, Michigan (Home of the Kellogg’s cereal factory), I wound up eating stale chop suey at “Tony The Tiger’s China Buffet."

I’m all about adventurous eating, but Kickapoo, Wisconsin is not the place to squelch your craving for tandoori chicken.

What To Order

As mentioned above, some of the greatest road food will be found in unlikely little huts with lace curtains, and a bathtub in the restroom. These labor-of-love spots can be great, as long as you order the right stuff. In most cases, I’d skip the scallop sandwich, and stick to pot pies and sundaes. Pretty much anything that still tastes good after it’s been frozen.

Breakfast For Dinner

No one can screw up breakfast. It’s always a safe choice. Well…

Beware Of Menu Items Listed In "Quotes"

I like punctuation as much as the next girl who went to private college, but consider their implications when they flank food items. There is probably a reason why the diner wasted valuable chalk on those little dots. Some examples include, but are not limited to:

-“Milk” Shakes
-The “Hardy” Special
-“Cat”Fish Fritters
-Seafood “Surprise”

"Salad" means "covered in mayo"

Sometimes there’s some pickle relish in there too. This goes for potato salad, macaroni salad, ham salad, tunaroni salad, etc.

If You've Got A Vegan On Board, Pack Snacks

Or even if you don’t. Finally, those Styrofoam coolers your packrat roommate saved will come in handy. And unless you want to eat veggie patties at Subway for every meal, vegan roadtrippers will be thankful.

Subway Veggie Patty

Check out those…flecks.

Cheeseburger-In-A-Can

Leave it to the Germans to find another way to sacrifice flavor.