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How to Blend Into Seattle's Tech Scene
- by improbable
- -
- October 29, 2008
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Seattle pulses to the beat of technology, and navigating the scene can be intimidating. Here's a quick guide to building up your hacker street cred.
Fill your speech with TLAs (three letter acronyms)
If you’re not up to date with RoR you better at least brush up on your ASP .NET, maybe some SQL if you’re more comfortable on the back end. Needing a GUI is a given, as today’s apps begin to focus more on UI and UXP, whether you’re falling back on old school XML and CSS or fooling around with the new iPhone SDK.
So XYZ before you embarass yourself, because if anyone can understand you, they’ll FUD your MKK faster than you can OTE a WWL.
(Side note, if anyone knows what these acronyms mean, please explain in the comments. Particularly those in the last sentence…)
OMG! LAN party!
Pcc Natural Markets
600 N 34th St, Seattle, WA 98103
Even the grocery stores in Seattle have three letter names. One day I will be rich enough to pretend to save the earth by shopping here.
Even the grocery stores in Seattle have three letter names. One day I will be rich enough to pretend to save the earth by shopping here.
Qfc-Quality Food Centers Inc
1401 Broadway, Seattle, WA 98122
QFC is the poor man’s PCC. QFC stands for Quality Food Center, in case you didn’t know. I remember being distinctly bothered when I first learned that – what kind of store feels it necessary to reassure you before you even walk in?
QFC is the poor man’s PCC. QFC stands for Quality Food Center, in case you didn’t know. I remember being distinctly bothered when I first learned that – what kind of store feels it necessary to reassure you before you even walk in?
TNA. That’s one acronym we can all get behind.
Search for a trophy girlfriend at Bellevue's bars and clubs
The nice thing about Seattle is that it doesn’t have a big finance scene. Unlike those poor schmucks living in New York or San Francisco, you don’t have to compete with rich investment bankers with their fancy suits, shiny sports cars, and perfect eyesight. Bellevue’s bleached-blond golddiggers are perfectly willing to settle for your socks with sandals and your Toyota Prius, just as long as you’ve still got your Microsoft stock options from 1995.
Don’t worry, we know you’re not this classy.
Michael's Toyota
203 116th Ave Ne, Bellevue, WA 98004
Get your Prius here. Conspicuous consumption is tough to pull off when you’re a hippie, so don’t waste any time getting your name on the waiting list!
Get your Prius here. Conspicuous consumption is tough to pull off when you’re a hippie, so don’t waste any time getting your name on the waiting list!
Pub 85
12859 Ne 85th St, Kirkland, WA 98033
Bring your credit card, you’re going to need it. The thing I like about going out in Bellevue is that I can tell women that I’m a software engineer without turning them off. Just don’t tell them how recently you joined Microsoft or they’ll know your stock options are worthless.
Bring your credit card, you’re going to need it. The thing I like about going out in Bellevue is that I can tell women that I’m a software engineer without turning them off. Just don’t tell them how recently you joined Microsoft or they’ll know your stock options are worthless.
Parlor Billards & Spirits the
700 Bellevue Way Ne, Bellevue, WA 98004
34 pool tables, two bars, 800 guests, and wireless internet.
34 pool tables, two bars, 800 guests, and wireless internet.
Seven worst places to break up in Seattle
When your arm candy from Bellevue becomes too much for you to handle, here’s how not to break it off.
He’s way too cool to button the top button.
Get a polo shirt with your company's logo
One of my most treasured possessions is my company shirt from Cray Supercomputers. Emblazoned with the company logo, I just slip it on and I instantly disappear into any crowd of software developers.
Cray Inc
411 1st Ave S Ste 600, Seattle, WA 98104
Formerly the office of Tera Computing, this is now the Seattle branch of the only company that made computers covered with shag carpeting.
Formerly the office of Tera Computing, this is now the Seattle branch of the only company that made computers covered with shag carpeting.
A2T Graphics
3230 1st Ave S, Seattle, WA 98134
A custom polo shirt and a TLA, all in one stop!
A custom polo shirt and a TLA, all in one stop!
Grow your hair out
When I first arrived in Seattle I didn’t understand how so many people could make it through our chilly winters in shorts and sandals. Now I understand that the key is to spend the summer developing a insulating layer of woolly leg hair.
Exactly which hair you wish to grow out is unimportant. Head hair, facial hair, and back hair are all strong options. For instant programmer street cred, make sure you pull your hair back in a ponytail.
Gary Manuel Salon and Institute
1514 10th Ave, Seattle, WA 98122
Gary Manuel is one of Seattle’s top hair salons. You will not need to go here.
Gary Manuel is one of Seattle’s top hair salons. You will not need to go here.
Ideally, the longest hair on your body will be on your chin.
Develop a computer-induced hunchback
Intense World of Warcraft sessions, endless debugging sessions, and late night MUDding marathons. Years of leaning into your computer screen have now resulting in near-scoliosis as you find it impossible to sit fully upright for more than five minutes at a stretch. With your head up, shoulders down, and elbows tucked, your body now naturally assumes the most aerodynamic position for the navigating the information superhighway.
Begin training early when the spine is at its most pliable.
Mobile Chiros
Mobile Chiros will send a chiropractor to your office. They may not be able to eliminate your spine’s curvature, but they may be able to keep it from completely folding in on itself.
Internets - the Strange, Weird, and Disturbing
You could learn about the weather or sports, but if you want to make small talk in Seattle, you should probably just surf the ’net more.
Federal Way Electronics Shopping
You’ve got the ’tude, now get the gear.
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