Your "Alone Time" Secrets

by jayferris
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August 25, 2009
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Until I turned 18 and went to college, I was pretty much the weirdest person that I knew. As it turns out, in most cases I'm either just easily misunderstood or completely unaware that others are equally strange as I am. To test the latter part of this theory, I'm posing the following question to all the Guidespotters out there -- what do you secretly do when nobody else is around?

Audible flatulence

I spend a good deal of my time making sure that I’m not quacking in front of friends, coworkers, and my boyfriend. Time alone means that I can finally fart without having to be concerned about scaring someone off. It’s not even so much an issue of odor (women fart daisy smells, didn’t you know that?), but more of a concern about the sheer earblasting sound.

I know, I know, holding them in isn’t good for you, either.

added by Andrea D 11/30/2008

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Bust into SPONTANEOUS exercise!!

Jumping jacks, situps, jabs, lunches, squats…you name it.

added by The Mean Bean 03/02/2009

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I PIck A Scab on The Top of My Head

I think I might need an intervention, it’s so gross. I pick it to death and then wait for it to scab back over and then pick it again. I am losing my hair in that area and my boyfriend threatens to move out when he catches me doing it but I think there’s no hope for me and my scab.

I wish I did something fun when I’m all alone, like dancing in an elevator.

added by Karey Ann 03/03/2009

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Dancing in the Elevator

I don’t recall exactly when this started, or why and how for that matter; all I know is that it’s become a bit of a compulsion. When those closing elevator doors find me all by myself, I start shaking what God gave me until they open back up.

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Attempted Telekinesis

The situation usually looks something like this: I’m planted on the coach, the remote is just out of reach, and nobody else is around. I’ll generally spend a good 30 seconds to a minute trying to will the remote into my hand utilizing mind powers. I may not have had any successes to date, but at least I’m not a quitter.

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Imaginary Conversations

I have pretend conversations with people that I know. In these conversations I am painfully charming and fantastically witty. Of course, since this usually takes place in the car on my way home from work, they’re also punctuated with "What the F&*#? “Why aren’t we GOING?” “GREEN MEANS GO!” etc.

added by GillianS 02/23/2009

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Twiddles!!!

Yes, twiddles. It’s something I made up as a young kid and I can’t believe I’m talking about it on the internets! Gulp. Here goes:

So, my Ernie doll (actually a different one than pictured here) is pretty much my favorite thing in the world and I like to “twiddle” his ears, which basically looks like me taking his ears between my fingers (the 3 spaces between the 4 non-thumb fingers where your fingers hit the rest of your hand) Why do I do this? Because I like the way the felt ears feel in those finger spaces especially if his ears are COLD (I also like cold pillows and sheets and generally being a little cold).

Um, so yeah, twiddle time happens ALL the time in secret. Sometimes not so secretly.

Hi.

added by aliciak 03/02/2009

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: by gillians 02/23/2009 Reply

I drink out of the jug. It’s still probably cleaner than using any of the glasses in my house…

: by christiemarie 12/01/2008 Reply

Everyone at parties you’ve attended have witnessed your attempts at Force power. The beer has yet to float across the room to you.

: by dead_c 11/30/2008 Reply

I was drunk at Dragonfish and pop-locking a little bit when the elevator door opened and Alex was standing there. I played it off like I stretching but I was definitely doing the robot.

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About The Author

jayferris

Shoreline

I'm a writer, father, husband, geek, and local hooligan. As much as I appreciate constructive criticism, getting a second opinion just seems way easier.