Transitioning to Indie Eats

I love IHOP just like every other breakfast carb lover in the country, but…wait…is that blood on the pancakes? I think I just lost my lunch. While I enjoy the experience of IHOP-BIG menus, BIG meals, BIG stomachaches, the food is not exactly, well, good. And in a town that knows how to do its morning meals and brunch, IHOP won’t cut it.

I know, it comes in a bucket—how can one resist?!? Resist you must. I don’t care that they banned transfats, because I’m pretty darn sure FRIED chicken isn’t good for you any way you cut it! I’ve been known to succumb to the allure of those little popcorn chicken, but KFC days are mostly over for this chicken finger lover. Well, unless someone brings KFC to me—wouldn’t want to waste food!

I can’t remember the last time I had a burger at McDonald’s! That’s not true. I think it was a few years ago on a road trip. (I was trying to sound health-conscious and too good for fast food). Am I going to surprise you when I tell you that the burgers are pretty bad? As are the buns, iceberg, and slices of cheese? I even like processed cheese—the faker the better—but not at Golden Arches.

Thank you thank you, I do believe I found one of the most unappetizing photos of a Taco Bell taco. They get the fake Tex-Mex job done, yes. BUT, it’s so easy to get cheap Mexican in this city, so why would you pay the same prices at a chain? I have a weakness of the Nacho Cheese Gordita Crunch, and when I say weakness, I mean that I have rented a car for the sole purpose of going to Taco Bell in Brooklyn (only to find it closed).

I was a once-a-week Starbuck’s patron in high school and once-every-two-weeks for the first year in New York, but no more. It took me years to realize that…wait for it…the coffee is no good! Bad coffee I don’t mind, but I’m only willing to pay up to 75 cents for it out of a dirty truck. NOT at a corporate outpost that has long since lost its “indie business” flair. In the case of Starbuck’s, change is bad. What happened to your Washington roots?

It’s easy for me to forsake Jamba Juice because it defies Pet Peeve #147: the sound of straws rubbing against styrofoam. =fingernails on a chalkboard. Makes me get goosebumps! Actually, if I walk BY a Jamba Juice, I get goosebumps just thinking about the sound/feel. One of my jobs took me by one regularly and I thought I might die of goosebump explosion.

Hi. I’m normal.

You’re in the mall and craving some homemade M&M cookies and the Mrs. Fields is in the air. Saved! But the cookies have that…je ne sais quoi…chemical-ly taste? Something is amiss and I’m guessing I would not want to see the ingredient list.

Giant claw machine are another weakness of mine. So is spending a lot of “tokens.” Hey, it doesn’t feel like real money! Tricky stuff. The drinks here are TERRIBLE. And the guy who blew chunks at the end of the night? Yeah, that kind of ruined it for me. God that smell. I’m still pretty proud of my fiber optic tree AND giant baseball pillow. It’s not every day you get to carry such spoils back on the subway at 1am.

Tom’s!!! I live 5 minutes from Tom’s and it’s quite possibly one of the coolest restaurants on the entire planet, in operation under the same family since the 30s! There are all these little perks, like cookies served with small tongs, cherry lime rickeys, and so many kinds of pancakes, like lemon ricotta and pumpkin walnut. To. Die. For.

Now, saying I’m obsessed with chicken fingers/tenders is an understatement. I scour this city for the best, licking my fingers and/or wiping them on my jeans all the while debating in my head WHAT is the best dipping sauce. BBQ? Honey Mustard? Ranch? These are the predicaments I wrestle with. Good Enough To Eat serves up some of my favorite fingers: beer-batter dipped! Okay, probably just as bad for you as KFC, but whatever, independently-owned restaurant! Good cause!

Oh Chavella’s, your corn tortillas, your perfectly-spiced pork, your cilantro. If only your space weren’t as small as a New York studio. And hot in the summer time. Called the best Mexican in the Slope/Heights area (I cannot vouch for that, having not tried nearly all of them) it’ll fill the Taco Bell void once you swear off that chain for good. (You WILL do this, right? Cuz I need moral support). Luckily, if you live in the area you can go for the take-out or delivery options.

Slightly pretentious, but I can turn a blind eye to that because you, Ninth Street, make a damn good latte. Oh the little swirlies on top…but it’s not just that! I’m also supportive of the fact that you can’t get coffee pot-brewed coffee, only French Press, which is how I pump out the java at home! Great minds…

Liquiteria in the East Village used to taunt me with its $6 smoothies because I was a poor little teacher who had to put that $6 toward sharpees and notebooks at Staples. Only once did I treat myself to Liquiteria on teachers’ salary, and it WAS divine. It’s a little too hip for me, but I’m probably just jealous that freelancers’ “salary” doesn’t make it a feasible habit either.

Greatest meals on wheels ever! Did I say meal? Oh right, I eat cookies for dinner sometimes. Not to be pompous, but the Treats Truck cookies taste like my homemade cookies, which is to say, they are AWESOME! The sandwich cookies—PB and Chocolate, Caramel creme—basically give you two cookies in one, but you after your tummy is bulging, you just tell yourself, “Well, I only ate one!”

Arcade games. At a bar. How original! Kidding. Barcade is extra special because it has as decent selection of microbrews and games like pinball and Moon Patrol.

Well, and then there’s No Pants Day…