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How to be ugly: Your guide to letting the ugly shine
- by pewpewpew
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- December 02, 2008
(2)
- 4 discussions
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- 4 comments
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Who is sick of the term "pretty"? Me, for one. Pretty is inoffensive. It's expected. It's unsurprising. And most of all, pretty is boring. Pretty is one word summed up: yawn. It's so much more fun to be subversive, original, and even -- yes -- UGLY. The term ugly has had a negative connotation for far too long, and the purpose of this guide is to show you that ugly is in fact fabulous. And also, that ugly can be beautiful too! This is not to say that any of the people or subjects of this guide are actually ugly whatsoever. On the contrary, this guide is to show that what would normally be considered by society to be ugly is, in fact, not ugly at all. (So the next time you're going somewhere you need to impress people, like on a first date or to a job interview, keep these tips in mind. Make an impression!)
Rock a unibrow
Frida Kahlo was the queen of making herself ugly beautiful. She was a naturally stunning woman who refused to change her appearance, not even to mask her rather prominent unibrow and a visible mustache. In the end, it was those flaws that made her stand out most of all.
Stop dieting
Big can be beautiful too. Beth Ditto is fabulous at her weight and doesn’t care what you, I, or anyone thinks. Confidence is the sexiest quality you can have.
Wear ludicrously kitschy clothes in all seriousness
It’s never good to take yourself seriously, but if you wear a Jeremy Scott hamburger and fries outfit in public, don’t be afraid to be serious about it! You don’t have to be serious in the vein of, “I am protesting the hegemonic American fast food industry” but feel free to be all Stonewall Jackson and tell people that you’re doing it in the name of high fashion and they’re just retarded if they don’t get the aesthetic.
Look scary
Scary can be sexy too. Just look at the genius that is the above Gareth Pugh design. Be inspired by demonic images, by funereal pallor, by the strength that comes with being really, really scary. This is not a look for weak, wilting flowers.
If you're a girl, wear boy's clothes
Patti Smith is a sex goddess. There’s something so fucking sexy about her unique blend of femininity and masculinity. And look, she can pee standing up.
Get really really pale
Pale is the new tan. Who cares about being tan? Being tan is so healthy and vulgar. Be pale, like you never emerge from your bed before 4 pm, or like you drink blood for sport, like Mary-Kate Olson.
Don't fix your teeth
Seriously, crooked teeth are so cute. Kirsten Dunst is gorgeous, snaggletooth or not.
Get crazy tattoos
Marc Jacobs is, doubtlessly, one of the premiere aesthetic tastemakers in the world. And yet, he has some really questionable tattoos like an M & M tattoo, and a Spongebob tattoo. You know what? They’re fabulous. If he wants a Spongebob Squarepants tattoo, he should get one. One day he might regret it, but until then, at least he’s living his life.
Take it to the extreme
Japanese teenagers are brilliant at taking their style to the extreme degree. No matter what look they decide on, be it Gothic Lolita or Harujuku or Hello Kitty or what have you, they do it to the very last detail, from the shoes to the socks to the hair, makeup, coats, accessories, bag, jewelry, and even their personal electronics.
Don't wear contacts
What’s wrong with glasses? Look at the lead singer of Hot Chip. He has vision problems and he’s not afraid to flaunt it. Wear ridiculous glasses and be proud you can’t see right!
Be inspired by trannies
I object to the term “hot tranny mess,” because I think trannies are beautiful and I love tranny make-up. Whatever, who cares if someone says you’re a transvestite? Ru Paul was a transvestite and she was fabulous. Make it yours and make it beautiful.
Embrace the early 90s
When Katie Holmes wore mom jeans, everyone freaked out and said that Scientology made her do it. But what they didn’t get was that mom jeans, especially cropped early 90s mom jeans, are way forward. Watch lots of My So-Called Life and take notes from Rayanne.
Take photos of yourself at your ugliest
Genius photographer Cindy Sherman makes herself absolutely hideous and then takes photos of herself, and they go into the Moma and the Guggenheim. She also has a Genius Grant. Deservedly so: ugly is art.
Refuse rhinoplasty
Big noses can be really beautiful – just look at Adrian Brody. He looks like he stepped out of a Dostoyevsky novel. There’s just something so “Old World” about his dark, exaggerated features. With a nose job, he’d be like anyone else, but his flaws give him one of those faces you just want to stare at.
Be as weird as you want
Iekeliene Stange isn’t afraid to be weird, in public, which is why she rides the subway in that getup and carries a potted flower around. Being so publicly quirky isn’t for the faint of heart, because you will get hated on, but as long as you love yourself, who cares what the naysayers spew? Trust me, for every hater, you’ll get seven fans. Ikeliene is considered a fashion icon by those in-the-know for a reason: her unique personal style.
Smoke cigarettes if you're over 18 and understand the risks
Who is anyone to tell you what you can or can’t do to your body? It’s a free world.
Don't be afraid to get called a lesbian
If you’re a girl, go ahead and cut off all your hair and wear pantsuits and channel Annie Lennox. Just because you like the androgynous look doesn’t mean you’re gay, and if people think you’re gay, take it as a complement! What’s wrong with being gay? Annie Lennox was fabulous and being a little masculine doesn’t mean she’s not still a total lady.
If you're a boy, wear women's clothing
David Bowie is married to Iman. He’s also considered one of the sexiest men — by both women and men — of all time. Why? Because he wore women’s clothing, women’s shoes, women’s makeup, and made it work.
Wear ludicrous headgear
Don’t be afraid to draw attention to yourself with a crazy hat. The bigger, the wilder, the more absurd, the better. Trust me, fashion people will give you props for it.
Date the wrong guy
It’s okay to have ugly relationships that no one approves of. All that matters is that you’re in love. Even if he’s the wrong guy, if you love him, you go do what you want. Sadly Kate and Pete are no longer, but I was one of the few who actually supported this union.
Wear fabulously scary shoes
Wear shoes so tall, so wild, and so crazy, and you can barely walk in them. Subtlety is so overrated.
Be controversial
Don’t be scared of being controversial. Take lessons from Vogue France. Fur is not dead. Well, it is dead. Figuratively. But it’ll live forever in the world of fashion!
Have dark circles under your eyes
Look like you’re too good to sleep.
Grow creepy facial hair
Look like you’ve just emerged from a coal mine in the Appalachian Mountains. It’s cool to be a hobo with lots and lots of beard!
Wear sock with sandals
In fact, break all the fashion rules. Do everything they ever said you shouldn’t. Make a statement.
Don't get botox
Age gracefully, and if you can’t age gracefully, then just have fun. Make aging a party. Party, even though you’re aging.
Wear black lipstick
The above photo is from the Christian Dior show. If the House of Dior says it’s okay, it’s okay.
Be a hot mess
Who’s anyone to tell you that you can’t drink so much you fall down at the Video Music Awards? If you’re a hot mess, you’re a hot mess. It’s as simple as that.
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I like the idea, but all these people and pictures that you’re using, along with the caption are just a sad cry for help. If ugly is better than pretty, use ugly people, use fat people, not runway models and celebrities. Celebrities LIVE for being beautiful and pretty, whereas unknown so-called “uglies” are what you should be going to. in a way, you’re pointing out the flaws in all these people. Yes, we know she’s fat, yes we know she pale. The way you’re presenting just does not seem to fit the original idea.
.jpg "Chelsea")
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I loved this guide- great idea and so true- your quirks make you beautiful!
.jpg "Andrea D")
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Rock on! Ugly and intriguing is so much better than pretty and bland.
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