Knitted Underwear and 11 More FREE Ways to Avoid Freezing Your Tail Off in Chicago This Winter

(4) Have an Awesome Grandma Who Will Send You Checks

Last Wednesday my grandma Elsie saw on the news that it was that it was minus 24 degrees in Chicago.  The very next day I went into work and there was an envelope sitting  on my desk with a check in it for $100.  The note attached said “Get yourself a warm coat.  Love Grandma”

Thanks Grams.  You are awesome to quite awesome.

(5) Be Like Grandma Elsie -- Feel all warm and fuzzy inside

You can be like Grandma Elsie Too!!!

Stay warm this winter by getting that “warm and fuzzy” feeling that happens when you help others out…

Here’s a great website I recently found out about called Reason to Give; that makes it easy to give to people in need.

100% of all donations  go directly to purchasing basic needs for low-income families in the Humboldt Park neighborhood of Chicago.

You can be a patron saint of coats like Grandma Elsie by giving directly to children like Simone; who need warm coats this winter.

(6) Or Be Like El Guapo and Also Feel All Warm and Fuzzy Inside

Giving to the less fortunate makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, but so does whiskey!


If you can’t afford to be like Grandma Elsie, be like El Guapo and warm up your belly with a Makers on the rocks.

(7) Secretly Learn To Break Dance

Exercise keeps you warm…and there’s no better exercise regime than self-taught break dancing.

Make sure not to tell any of your friends about your new found hobby.  Then, when spring finally comes around (which means June in Chicago)  bust out your moves at a house party and impress the shit out of everyone.


Below is a list of AWESOME break dancing moves that once you master, will guarantee you go home with all the fly honeys.  

>AWESOME Break Dancing Moves

The Pumping Turtle/Darkhammer

The One Handed Pretzel Hop

Donut Icy-Ice

and Don’t forget the Butt Spin

This will keep you cool and warm (get it? cool because you’re cool if you break dance. And warm because, you know like, break dancing will make you sweat and stuff)

(9) When You Run Out of Underwear, Long Underwear Makes a Suitable if not Preferable Alternative

For those of you who are unfamiliar with long underwears, it’s like regular short underwears but longer and awesomer.

I ran out of underwear one day and decided to wear long underwear instead.  I don’t know if I’ll ever go back. Ever.

(12) And last but certainly not least...

**** MORE GUIDES ON SURVIVING WINTER IN CHICAGO ****

Geeky Gadgets for the Coldest Winter Days

by Free and Flawed

A Guide to a Free Winter in Chicago

by Coffee Slut

Surviving a Chicago Winter

by Jessica Joy

(11) Purchase Electric Pants

I saw an ad for electrically heated pants when I was on the subway back in October.  I laughed at the time and I said to the girl next to me:

Me: Do people really buy those?
Girl next to me: Yeah, wait until January.
Me: NO WAY!!!!! Electric Pants!!!??
Girl next to me: Yeah they do.
Me:  NO WAAAY!!!
Girl next to me: Yes.
Me: No WAAAAAAY!!!
Girl next to me:  YES, REALLY.  They F*cking buy electric pants.
Me: NO WAAAAAAAAAY!!!
Girl next to me:  You’re an idiot. [proceeds to get up and move to next seat over]

hmmm…now I kinda wish I had taken down the name of the website that sold those electric pants.   I can’t find electric pants anywhere.  They must all be sold out.